Yeah, I've been going through some shit this week, holidays do this to me, last time I quit a good job because of this shit. I just want to share with you all what's been going on. Gor a couple years now, I've been trying to recover from a serious bout of overwork and stress (just after recovering from some other issues, those of you who know me, know what it is). I then eventually got my heart broke, well I broke it myself by not sharing any feelings with a certain someone, no longer in my life. I held those feelings in for years, in such a way, I just needed to scream them. Just like the rest of these frustrations here, all this pain and loneliness built up over /too/ many years. This is what you get from not trusting anyone. Learn to trust those close to you and you'll be better for it. May take years but those around after those few years are the good ones. The rest love them still and know they are doing what they need to, to survive, don't be mad at them.

I really want to thank the people around me now, all of you. yeah just thanks, your patience, for whatever reasons, helped me get through this situation and finally allow me to trust you enough to scream what I need to. I use the word scream, not mean yell, but yeah say what my heart is doing. Cynics are born everyday, I was taught to be one, Tho, hopefully I can learn to practice what I preach more and preach what I practice. Preaching moments are going to die, tho there will be a few here and there, just not as forceful or as many or as assholeish, I promise to slow down and think first and make slower decisions. That's my promise to everyone this way I can the best decision possible, yeah, coffee is being cut down also, tho not that much XD, yeah just let me know tho, poke me privately if I go to far, yeah I might need this help, I may ignore it but I know what it's for, so yeah, I'll try my best.

Yeah, slow my role, one saying I avoided for many years, but man, man so wise, so wise remember that. Just take your time and let things happen, I've figured out how to do that again, and this is where I talk to GNU and the FSF directly. RMS, yeah man do what you gotta do, ain't really mad at you, I got my goals, you have yours, I don't mean to interrupt yours, I just want voice my opinion. GNU/FSF, I've said some stuff to you guys and about you guys, most negative. Yeah, I'm just pissed at the choice issue. That's my first simple belief, everyone has a choice, let them have the choice, I know you are and I know my frustrations with it is cause I want you guys to be more thoughtful about all cases instead of just one, that's me.

I do purposefully try not to get deeply involved with any project to avoid any self destructive tendencies I may have from interrupting your actual work,. I tried with konversation, but I just got scared,, I won't let any of you guys get affected in such a way your work is interrupted. I have done that in the ##linux, I apologize for my actions there. I will not be repeating any mistakes and yeah, my feelings are simply this, GNU/FSF handle yours, you doing right by technology. I do believe in what you are doing there is the right thing, I just yeah, my personal feelings are more towards the individual and always will be, you guess why ;).

Tho I do believe the individual has to at least care about the larger group of humanity. No matter where you are from, what you believe, what you care about, one thing is certain, WE are all in this together each and every single one of us, Tho it's up to us to stand for ourselves, when doing so, we must not forget the whole. The whole is just humanity, nothing more, Religious, Political, Personal beliefs aside at the end of the day, they pale in comparison to this.

I mean tell me whats wrong about caring for your neighbor regardless of who they are? I mean if we start this kind of caring and spread it by action not word. What can we accomplish as a group? Yeah, see I get complicated a bit here because I am religious myself, I do believe in god. I think he is watching us have our choices, he has given us many of them to choose from. Why does he do this is the real question, I'm trying to find out now, but I believe that Enoch knew what was going on. Just look at Enochs life and yeah, remember him, these are where my morals and ethics are shaped.. Probably the greatest of all humans ever. I must share with you this, from reading him: you must follow your own path and be yourself and be strong for yourself, for no other reason than, it's you, well that's how he stood..

So yeah, Places where I have leadership responsibilities, I denounce them, I'll be with you guys, but I just don't want the responsibility of siting in charge of anything other than myself. So yeah, don't ask me, I'll say no, don't give it to me, I'll run from it eventually. I just would rather not deal with that temptation and yeah I know it's there, I just do my own thing by myself to handle my own self. That's how I know how to do it. Those of you who have known me, understand that this is what I've been trying to accomplish in a lot of cases. There are a few promises I've made in the past, yes I plan on keeping those and finishing everything, but most days, I've been stuck trying to deal with this, I'm sorry it's not an excuse, it's just how it is.

This is also for GNU/FSF Thanks for doing what you are doing either which way, I feel a lot of you are waiting for me to fail due to preconceived notions and a lot of you are watching for me to do what I know is right, some of you think it's the same thing, yeah I'm only going to let time prove my case. There are good people in GNU and yeah, just Thanks for watching me and not taking action and letting me prove myself over my time line, not yours. Thanks, that's been important and will continue to be as I adjust to my new slower pace at life. Most of my actions with in that channel have shown me where I am at mentally. So as my penance, you know who to talk to about what I can do for it and I plan on doing for it. I'm not going anywhere, but I won't be so talkative to you guys anymore, maybe once in awhile, but I'm too ashamed for my actions to be anything more than a idle nick most times. I just want you to know that I went to ##linux, my women problems hadn't started just yet. They were about to begin, ##linux was an escape for losing my friend, she hadn't left yet and I hadn't started to make old mistakes, but trying to find the companionship she provided. Tho, through your help I've been able to learn how to be better with Linux and life. So yeah there is no way I can thank you enough for it.

Novell people, yeah I'm going to say, I don't believe Novell did what was right in that deal, tho yeah I know software patents can be killed this way. The Microsoft Way may be hurt permanently with this, but to me you're putting your trust in a justice system that I have 0 faith in doing the right thing in all cases. But lets see, I'll take the wait and see approach, I've already voiced how I feel about that anyways. Tho I just hope Novell didn't do this to fuck over open source with Microsoft, yeah from the outside, it looks nasty, really nasty, RMS I hope you know what you're doing. This one really scares me.

Added Wed Nov 28 07:41:43 PST 2007

What happens to me, the man with no income if this loses, yes no income, trying to relearn deal with his issues, not be a drain on the state, but make his own way? Yeah sol, what I'm going to have to pay a percentage of my income for each patent on websites, like this one? Will I have to make it look like downtown Tokyo to earn enough money to pay for everything? Any application yeah, think about it, you start to kill innovation and leave things to the rich. Yeah, man it's my life in the balance partially here. This is why it's a passionate anger about this. What happens to the other ghetto kids that want out and don't have the resources to get out of the problems around them? You going to deny them to being another blue collar worker forever, never allowing them really getting a head? This is part of the reason we got crime, nobody is stupid enough to realize that working at UPS is the real solution?

You see your moms or pops do this thing and you realize that yeah, this ain't great, there is something better. Shit my Moms worked for AT&T ran the Events and Marketing for them here in LA. Example, the LA Marathon, in the 90's my mom's was the women responsible for negotiating all that between AT&T and the Marathon People, my moms even ran the Global Communications Center here in LA. Yeah I was around tech but it was /her/ work. Yeah, come around one day I got all this shit to show you with my moms name and pic and the people she's met working for AT&T (the perks, but meh),. Don't think I wasn't there, but yeah there were times she worked 18 hour days for them and yet man, we lived in the ghetto. People dieing around me everywhere. Yeah, man I lost hope in your way also, I wanted in, but I couldn't handle it. It was no better than what I had before me without it. Now I just want to do it myself. I don't want yours, why, I can do it myself, tho you making that almost impossible now and this sucks!

It does, to do anything legal you have to either follow the leader with very little individuality, or you go off on your own. And this is my anger with the 'anti-tivoization' and self-righteous attitudes on the LKML over this. Yeah man, why can't you be happy your software is feeding others, don't get pissed at him and take it out on him. You got to look at yourself and ask yourself, why can't I do that with my software if he can? It's not like the source will be gone, tho yeah the rest is alright this is my pet peeve about v3.

Damn software patents make it hard for people to go off on their own, you're really not sure what to build cause not sure who/what you're going to have to end up paying to build and use it. Google, They make it easy for you with adsense and adwords and everything else the provide free of charge. Yeah, that's what's beautiful, there are people who do, do the right thing, some times. Not a complete anger at everyone, just do whats right by humanity not whats right for yourselves. I bet you all will be a bit happier. True Equal Opportunities for all. Just a computer with the right tools and let them learn to make a legal living, without stress will the next algorhythm cost me 500 or 5000 USD. How much in legal fees if I build a comparable algorhythm, to fight that it doesn't violate patents. Hell which ones are patented? You know, this gets confusing then we get the greatness of that the software patents may /not/ be owned by the person who originally designed the algo. \o/ Yeah, the rich get richer while the poor make it so.

Nah, You see this is my POV on everything. But yeah I need to let these words out to you GNU, I owe them to you also, I never fully gave you guys the reasoning behind it all. Takes me time to formulate the right words, so yeah. I know a lot of you are in the same boat, but yeah man, the v3 wasn't really hurtful to me cause I try to avoid using gnu software in my software to not stress the gpl. I use gnu to create my stuff tho, that's because well, yeah gnu is everywhere in opensource. So yeah I see you guys wanting to kill peoples chances in the hopes of saving the source and attaining technological perfection.

And there is my anger at you in nutshell. Why really hate people for trying to survive and live just like you are? I keep wanting to bang this over the head of GNU/FSF, that's another reason for my outbursts. Tho, I'd rather be alone than act like that again, don't worry.